ARE OUR LIVES GENITALLY DRIVEN? IS IT ALL ABOUT THE POOPOOLALA?

A discussion, with my cousin in Montreal, about our passions and how engaging in them gives one a certain euphoria that is close to making love, made for a deeper look into music, painting, photography, architecture, tennis, politics and life.

 

We agreed that much of our younger years we spent being driven by our penises, however we both were aware and explored our passions at an early age. In my case, I used my passions as a means to get close to certain ladies. Making money was a means to lure them. Intelligence was also a great tool that often led to intimacy. Everything we did was `DICK DRIVEN’.

 

And ladies, as much as that image is one that you tend to have of men, please do not look to take the toothpick out of my eye, while you have a log in your own. Women, in previous times and in some cases currently, are indoctrinated to find a mate to marry. Many women have obsessed for this connection to the detriment of not knowing what are their passions in life.

 

Although raising children can be a passion, getting married is not. Maybe it’s an obsession? Remember, Jesus and Paul both said marriage was not sacred. So let’s drop that one. Our means of finding a mate often leads to separation and divorce in most cases, so how we choose a long term mate probably needs review. But for many women, who do find a mate and have children, often hear themselves saying privately,

 

IS THAT ALL THERE IS? This feeling, leading many to suffer depression. Depression leads to negative thoughts, negative beliefs, negative actions, poor health and negative outcomes.

 

Men are no better than the ladies, of course. Many of us have little idea of what our passions are. We identify very closely with our jobs not realizing there is so much more to us than that. Our jobs often have nothing to do with what we are passionate about. That leads to many cases of depression for men.

 

For me, it started early. At 5 years old I was already getting kisses from older girls (7 or 8), and from the time I was 7, I was never without a girl friend. Now, I was a late bloomer in terms of losing my virginity, but I was still having a good time. However, my teenage years were spent praying that I wouldn’t die in an atomic war before I had my first experience with a woman and could check out the poopoolala. You know coochy, nook nook, pussy, the `c’ word, the vagina. That goes through a lot of guys’ minds, the way women in the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s and even some today, think about getting married.

 

Just that alone shows how men and women are not on the same page with their individual goals in the early stages (teens, 20’s & 30’s). Knowing our passions, exploring them and integrating them into the marketplace is the road to

 

YOUR FUTURE, YOUR CHILDREN’S FUTURE, YOUR GRANDCHILDREN’S FUTURE AND THE FUTURE OF THIS COUNTRY. Self knowledge is not only healing, but also leads you to who and what you really are. Also to the power you have to make a statement in YOUR life and the lives of others in a positive way. And then leading to your eventual realization of Spiritual Law and how it operates in the Universe. And then purposely placing yourself in its flow, allowing it to propel you into a life that brings you JOY!

 

Someone held in high esteem once said,

 

THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN IS WITHIN. Take a look. Discover and explore your passions. Call for Self Discovery Curriculums in your schools. It’s the way of the future.

 

QUESTION EVERYTHING! THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.

OUT OF DEPRESSION AND INTO DEGREES OF HAPPINESS

A natural cause of teenage depression is not being in total control of one’s life. A natural cause of depression later in life stems from not learning proper life coping skills as a child/adolescent and/or discovering the lack of control of one’s life – even as an adult. An additional cause of depression is due to having an event or events keep us from moving forward in life. Allowing one’s self esteem to be predicated on those events often saps the life out of many individuals.

 

Instead of teaching children how to cope in difficult times, parents coddle them as though the children couldn’t cope with the truth. Many instances it’s the parents not being able to cope with reality and transfer this anxiety into some fantasy – when the children know something’s wrong here. Keeping up this fantasy world of contradictions often leads to needing medication later on in order to cope. For what, impatience, anxiety, selfishness, lacking discipline, hyper-activity, being egotistical, etc. stemming from lacking self worth.

 

Doctors can offer you pills for almost anything these days. They even have a drug for shyness. DRUGS HAVE REPLACED GOING THROUGH THE STEPS NECESSARY TO BECOME A SOLID HUMAN BEING. All of which is what we, as parents, are supposed to be instilling in our children as their stewards. Nevertheless, many of us rather be our children’s friend, instead of raising them to know who and what they are. Maybe because the parents don’t know either? They’ve mirrored the tradition and history of their families, rather than Spiritual Law.

 

The bratty child who wasn’t made aware that that type of behavior was not acceptable, nor reaped negative rewards when it first occurred is a prime candidate for medication later in life. A normal body that may be chemically balanced, may become imbalanced over time due to the continued invalid belief that this behavior is acceptable. The belief and behavior changes the chemical balance, not some mysterious element YOU can’t control. Medication may be necessary to assist the person in getting the therapy necessary to exam the beliefs behind the behavior. However, to just give medication alone, just isn’t a healthy way to progress. And the number of cases out there like this is phenomenal.

 

I AM NOT A DOCTOR. THIS IS JUST A SPIRITUAL OBSERVATION OF DEPRESSION AND ILLNESS.

 

I’ve been questioned ( a good thing) about my idea of happiness. First, I believe happiness has an infinite number of degrees, so to me, there is nothing stagnant about happiness. When we recognize the symbolism or the signpost of depression and what it means within us, depression loses all its power. It just becomes a symbol or signpost of something you must recognize in yourself. Not a mood you have to perpetuate ad nauseum.

 

Depression can be an addiction to many people because as much as it hurts, you’d rather stay depressed than change your circumstances. That’s why drugs are a good thing when used properly because it can alleviate the weight of the depression, so you can come out from under it and be able to work on yourself. Eventually needing less and less of the drug.

 

It calls for a belief examination of those elements you are having a problem with in your life. Nine times out of ten you will find you either have invalid or conflicting beliefs that you’ve been acting on. It’s in this recognition that you purposely change those beliefs and then take actions that are in line with those new beliefs. This solidifies your intent and purpose.

 

We are Spirit. We are creators. We create our reality through our beliefs. What you focus on through your beliefs, your inner Spirit helps you create. If your beliefs tell you the world is something to fear, you and the world will respond in kind. While others who have a belief that the world is harmless can find a totally different life experience. Every event has it’s positives and negatives. The positives are your instant gratification. The negatives are the delayed gratification you receive from over coming them.

 

So when we see depression for what it really is, a signpost, that you’ve allowed yourself to hold onto a past event or events, you’re no longer caught up in the throes of regret, but taking the necessary steps to getting back to sea level. That’s right. You’ve only gotten back to the ground floor. Now the idea is to BE. Coming out from under depression allows you to just BE! IT IS FROM THIS PLATEAU THAT YOUR DEGREES OF HAPPINESS FLOW. BE HAPPY! ;]

 

QUESTION EVERYTHING! THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.

LIFE LESSONS ON THE PATH OF HAPPINESS – Self Knowledge, Self Pity & Expectations

A friend pointed out recently, happiness cannot be fully experienced without suffering through depression. To me, depression is very much like fire; you only have to get burnt one time in order to understand what it is and not be burnt in the future. Sadness and depression are different. Sadness is a momentary or temporary coming down of spirits. Depression is the over-extension of sadness, where the mood and its symptoms define who you are. Many of us think depression and happiness are modes/moods of which you enter and leave, repeatedly.

 

Those in the throes of depression do not understand and/or realize what that depression represents to them. To understand is to grab something with your reason; not necessarily changing your behavior. To realize is to grasp something not only with one’s reason but also within one’s belief system, which leads to a change in behavior. It’s in that realization which enables the individual to come from under being depressed: with or without the use of drugs and therapy. If I observe you, I can eventually tell what you believe. How? Through your behavior. We act on our beliefs.

 

My therapy was through self analysis. That analysis came through examining my beliefs with respect to the problems in my life. Why did I believe what I believe? Were my personal experiences the basis of my beliefs? If not, re-examine my life experiences to see if the beliefs are true. If the beliefs are based on what love ones or people I respect have told me, see the previous sentence. A valid belief works 100% of the time. 99% and it’s not valid. Conflicting beliefs are two or more beliefs held simultaneously however oppose each other. Therefore, canceling out one’s objective. Ex. I want a man that’s loyal. Belief: All men are dogs. Creation: No man is true in one’s mind because the belief is no man is loyal. Even if the man is honorable.

 

 

 

YOU CREATE YOUR OWN REALITY THROUGH YOUR BELIEFS.

 

Being depressed even has the sound of a person accepting an emotion and letting it define them. The idea of living is being. That being is defined by what you do. Not by the things you possess. Often folks who are wealthy financially with all of life’s comforts wonder why they are still unhappy – read the previous two sentences.

 

There is a malaise that hangs over the U.S. where citizens are depressed, anxious, financially strained, lovelorn (with and without a mate), and stressed out from family pressures. They don’t have enough time to take out an hour a day for themselves. If you’re not happy with what you’re doing, you can’t afford NOT to have an hour to yourself. Even if it means getting up early. Create the new habit of getting to know who you are.

 

ATTITUDE

 

– is a key element to establishing your Path Of Happiness. Here are some pertinent things to keep in mind.

LIFE

– is not what you possess, it’s what you do! Choose better activities.

RESPONSIBILITY

– when you interact with others behave as though you are going to be on the receiving end of your actions.

SELF PITY

– without self pity we become invulnerable. When your feelings are hurt, it’s time for self examination. Why am I hurt? Do I believe I am what someone else thinks of me? Why? It’s not the event, it’s how you respond to it. When we don’t allow the words and opinions of others to impinge on how we feel about ourselves – YOU ARE ALMOST SUPER HUMAN.

BE THE KIND OF PERSON YOU WOULD WANT IN YOUR LIFE.

Watch how your life changes. If you don’t like being by yourself, examine why. Shouldn’t you be your best friend? Plus, the type of people you attract in your life changes. Notice the word attract.

THE ANSWERS LIE WITHIN, MY FRIENDS!

The best thing you can do for yourself is to explore your inner life. You sleep a third of your life away, why not check out what’s goin’ on? Thoughts, ideas, intuition, dreams, and the like where do they come from? Who and what am I? Explore your dreams. They are a laboratory for living. Your personal power is within you. You are creating your own reality. Why not create one that is more to your liking? A great man once said, THE KINGDOM OF GOD IS WITHIN. Isn’t it time you checked it out? Why do we put off getting to know ourselves?

FIND YOUR PASSIONS

 

– They are the path to everything life has to offer.

IF YOU KEEP YOUR WANTS, DESIRES AND EXPECTATIONS TO A MINIMUM, EVERYTHING IN LIFE IS A GIFT. TO LOVE SOMEONE IS TO ALLOW THEM TO BE WHO AND WHAT THEY ARE. EVEN IF IT MEANS NOT HAVING THEM IN YOUR LIFE.

 

The simplicity of life is only complicated by your ignorance of self.

 

TAKE THE TOUR!

 

QUESTION EVERYTHING! THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.

SNAKE BIT IN LOVE – HOW TO USE DATING AS A TOOL TO A MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIP

Too many of us don’t know who and what we are, so how would we know what we want in a mate? The life that many of us talk, we don’t actually live. It’s more like wishful living. The ethics, morality, sincerity, and truth that we think we live, becomes a different story when you’re the main character in the event.

 

Self knowledge is an on-going project due to the infinite avenues and variations on a theme that play out within you. But the more self knowledge you have, the better your choices in life. However, in focusing on your likes and dislikes, your strengths and weaknesses, insuring your beliefs about self and life are based on your own personal experiences versus the beliefs of those you love and respect, and a strong awareness of your passions, you equip yourself with the information necessary to choose a proper mate for you. Many of us make our choices in a mate while we have no idea who we are. Thus, problem love relationships!

 

Passions are those activities you lose yourself in when you engage in them. Time and space get lost in your activity to the point that you can spend hours doing these things and then wonder where the time went. It’s my contention that your passions are your gifts to physical existence. What is inside you seeks to find expression. Your passions are activities you live to do, even if you don’t realize it.

 

Much of our frustration, depression and despair in life stems from this lack of self knowledge. Romantic love is so important in our society because of the number of people who lack self love. We tend to prefer the love of others over our love for ourselves. So romantic love for this individual becomes a long journey until they respond to the lessons of one’s experiences that are telling you what’s truly important. LOVE FOR ONE’S SELF!

 

ARE THERE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO FIND TRUE LOVE WITHOUT HAVING FOUND THEMSELVES FIRST?

 

 

 

– Sure all the time! But that encounter doesn’t usually pay off for the individual lacking self knowledge. Why? Because they don’t recognize the prize they have since they are not the whole person, who would be aware of the proper mate. So their behavior would not be in sync with having the proper mate in one’s life.

 

See, the person lacking self knowledge must take many journeys in relationships before they are able to recognize what’s good for them and what’s not. Lacking self knowledge means you look for the superficial things about people that mean little in respect to a meaningful relationship. Looks, money, possessions, what a person does, and how others see you tend to predominate what folks think are important in a mate.

 

Respect, truth, honesty, faithfulness, loyalty, patience, self knowledge, humor, character, passions, ethics, morality, outlook on life, and allowing you to be who and what you are, tend to be items that are secondary to those qualities mentioned in the previous paragraph. As time passes, those things tend to mean less to you. It’s the inner qualities of substance that are meaningful and long lasting.

 

When dating, the person with self knowledge is really going through a sifting process. First, there is no urgency in finding a mate because there is an understanding that this is only a part of what makes the person who they are.

 

 

 

THEY HAVE A LIFE IN THEIR PASSIONS. So dating is basically a game of who is it that I like that I don’t want to change. Does it make this person perfect? Absolutely not! But the fact that you don’t feel the necessity in changing that person is a great sign.

 

Dating is a way of discovering if a person is one you want to take a life journey with, no matter the duration. Every solid relationship isn’t lifelong. Many of us don’t like to realize that. There is a mate that is great for you without children. Then there’s another that’s great for you with children. There’s another mate who will allow you to be who and what you are, but demands that same respect in return. Usually this is the person for you.

 

LOVE RELATIONSHIPS EXIST IN A SPHERE OF MUTUAL ACCEPTANCE OF ONE ANOTHER AS YOU TRULY ARE. ALL OTHER RELATIONSHIPS ATTEMPT TO LEAD YOU TO THIS ONE.

 

The person with self knowledge may indulge themselves in a relationship that is purely playful, knowing that relationship isn’t going anywhere. The person lacking self knowledge allows these relationships to take them on journeys that often cripple future relationships. Whereas the one with self knowledge uses the relationship as a vehicle to a meaningful one. The important element in these relationships is honesty; so the person knows their place In your life.

 

Anytime we see people as fixer uppers we aren’t allowing them to be who they are. You do yourself, and that individual, a disservice being this way. Sifting through people to come to what you want is much less complicated than taking relationship journeys out of not knowing who and what you are.

 

Dating is a fun vehicle for living life and discovering the proper mate. The seriousness level that many tend to bring to relationships is a road to dating blues and not dating heaven. When you think of the number of people depressed over their relationships or lack of, they’ve created this state with their lack of self awareness.

 

QUESTION EVERYTHING! THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.

THE PASSIVE WAY TO USE YOUR DREAMS TO IMPROVE LOVE, HEALTH AND WORK – For Lazy Folk!

Life offers us choices, in each moment, to create a life that’s filled with love, joy, and fulfillment. The challenges we face in life often cloud our vision of life events, leading us to take life journeys of irresponsibility that are so far removed from who and what we are. The hole within us that we try to fill with promiscuity, alcohol, drugs, and negative behavior can lead you to wondering why the hell you’re in the position you’re in now.

Each night you dream or have nightmares, your inner self or Spirit is giving you information, straight talk, about you and the life you’re creating by means of symbols and picture-grams. Remember you create your life, through your beliefs about self and life.

Computers have a basic ability that resembles our ability as humans, which is to enter data to get information. We can use our dreams to not only acquaint ourselves with who and what we are, but also to solve problems in our waking life.

Some people complain Spirituality takes too much thinking or time. What it does take is being. Being real and responsible with yourself about you and your behavior. Your life is about you, not the other guy/gal. Your dreams represent you. Even the characters, items and events in your dreams are about what they represent to you. These representations are known as symbols or symbolism.

You may have a brother or sister that represents intelligence and athleticism, while another brother or sister may represent good grooming, flirty with the opposite sex and lost when it comes to how to live. Jewelry can represent worth or value and also an item that attracts the wrong attention. Symbols are personal. To truly acquaint yourself with the symbols of your dreams and life, you need to take a pencil and paper and write down what people and things, that are regular in your dreams, represent to you. And make sure you include all the representations you can think of. Dreams, just like life, have many levels of understanding.

CAPT., HOW CAN I USE MY DREAMS WITHOUT ALL THOSE DETAILS?

 

– There is no shortcut in getting to know your self. You dream whether you remember them or not. You often act on dreams you’ve had, unconsciously and without knowing why. But here are some tips to using your dream laboratory passively.

CREATE A BUZZ OR EXCITEMENT IN YOUR SELF ABOUT USING YOUR DREAMS

– Bring to mind during your waking day that you’re going to ask questions of your dreams. Don’t obsess, but think of it, as you would, a date you might look forward to. That date is with your self!

Get into a good sleeping position, allow the images in your mind to pass without following them and

 

ASK FOR THE TYPE OF DREAM YOU WANT.

WHAT KIND OF DREAMS DO I NEED TO ASK FOR?

– For starters, I would ask for a dream that would bring about good health. You can also ask for a dream that will show you what you need to do to improve your health. [ As if you didn’t already know] A dream of the proper diet for you. Ask for a dream that will allow your body to reduce or eliminate pain. Ask for a dream where your Spirit assists you in finding solid approaches in changing your health for the better. Ask for a dream that will lead you to exercises or activities you enjoy taking part. Ask for a dream that will show you how to make depression a thing of the past. Ask for a dream to show you how to provide your own happiness. Ask for a dream of financial independence. Ask for a dream that frees you from your neediness. Ask for a dream of energy.

ASK FOR A DREAM THAT SHOWS YOU HOW TO HAVE RELATIONSHIPS OF RESPECT AND SELF WORTH

– Ask for a dream that helps you to neutralize a relationship of brutality, stubbornness, and/or lacking direction or ask for a dream that will lead you to freedom from said relationship. Ask for a dream to attract a mate who will accept you for who and what you are. Ask for dreams to illuminate how to overcome challenges within your relationship. Ask for a dream that will show you how to improve your self love, self worth, and self esteem. The most important relationship you have in your life is with yourself.

ASK FOR DREAMS THAT WILL SHOW YOU YOUR PASSIONS

– If you don’t know what your passions in life are this is one way of finding out. Passions are those activities you engage in for long periods that you thoroughly enjoy with little concept of time.

THINGS YOU HAVE LITTLE KNOWLEDGE OF, YOU CAN ASK FOR A DREAM THAT WILL ACCESS THAT INFORMATION FOR YOU.

Ask for a dream on how you should deal with a boss or co-worker on a project. Ask your dreams for strategies you can use to deal with work or personal projects.

As you can see, you can ask your dreams to give you information or knowledge on just about anything you can think of.

IN YOUR RESTFUL STATE, VISUALIZE (HOLD AN IMAGE IN YOUR MIND) YOURSELF POSING YOUR QUESTION AND ASKING FOR A DREAM SOLUTION. ALSO ASK THAT YOU BECOME AWARE OF THE SOLUTION EVEN IF YOU DON’T REMEMBER THE DREAM.

SEE YOURSELF WAKING REFRESHED AND FULL OF PROMISE, THEN LET IT GO!

WHEN YOU WAKEN, DO SO WITH THE FEELING THAT THE DREAM ANSWERS WILL BE REVEALED TO YOU.

Don’t allow yourself to be discouraged if the answer doesn’t come right away. You are just beginning to do this, but if you continue, you will become more proficient. Remember, this isn’t costing you a thing but a smidgen of your time, and it’s all about you.

YOUR DREAMS ARE FLOWING TO YOU UNDER THE SPIRITUAL LAWS OF ASK AND YOU RECEIVE, SEEK AND YOU FIND, KNOCK AND DOORS WILL OPEN, SOWING AND REAPING, AND LOVE.

If you need more information about dreaming check out:

 

 

Dreams! They’re worth getting into!

QUESTION EVERYTHING! THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES

DEPRESSION – NOT HAVING THE COPING SKILLS TO DEAL WITH REALITY

Often, folks suffering from depression will defend their illness or dis-ease as though it is a badge of courage. They assure you that they have every right to be depressed. Others will tell you how their doctor says they are clinically depressed or bi-polar, buying totally into what they believe the dis-ease is – giving up their power to overcome the illness. You can tell right off whether folks have bought into the dis-ease by the way they speak about it. Too often we hear folk say, My depression…, my heart disease…, my diabetes…, my eczema…. This often illustrates how we’ve made an illness part of our identity or taken ownership of it. That is not a healthy notion if you want to overcome a dis-ease.

LET ME MAKE IT CLEAR – I AM NOT A DOCTOR. I’M TALKING ABOUT DISEASE FROM A POINT OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY – OR PERSONAL POWER.

Symbolically, depression is clinging to the past or past events that have traumatized the individual into varying degrees of inertia. Depression is often an identity crisis for the individual regarding who they believe they were, then, versus who they believe they are now. They haven’t been able to overcome the loss of identity. We often identify with the things we do, and the people and things we have in our lives. So losing a job, a limb, property, or loss of a family member, a divorce or break up, for example, are forms of losing who we were. We all go through these losses yet some of us are better at coping with loss than others.

What makes this important is depression often leads to other more serious dis-eases like diabetes, heart dis-ease, stroke, cancer and exacerbates Alzheimer’s, in addition to the fact that folks are entering the throes of depression at an ever increasing rate. Depression strikes 17 million Americans a year according to the National Institute Of Mental Health. And it’s thought that 80 to 90% of these cases can be treated successfully according to American Psychiatric Association, however two thirds of those suffering depression don’t receive assistance.

There’s so much talk today about the cost of healthcare but we haven’t taken a look at why healthcare is so costly. THE COST OF HEALTHCARE IN THE UNITED STATES IS SO HIGH BECAUSE MANY U.S. CITIZENS HAVE GIVEN UP THE PERSONAL POWER THEY HAVE OVER THEIR HEALTH TO A HEALTH CARE SYSTEM IN HIGH DEMAND DUE TO AMERICANS IRRESPONSIBILITY FOR TAKING CARE OF THEMSELVES. If you want to reduce the cost of healthcare, you have to take more personal responsibility for your health.

We have become so irresponsible regarding personal health, we even have our children on drugs regarding behavioral problems. Too often this has to do with the parents lack of parenting skills and teachers not having the time to deal with behavioral problems, using drugs to alter behavior in the short run. Once again, the child doesn’t learn the coping skills needed to deal with the adversities of life and we take the easy way out. When these kids become adults, they often are addicted to the prescriptions without having gotten the treatment to overcome the problem they were initially addressing – remaining irresponsible for their behavior.

The healthcare system has been too focused on drug use and not giving people the treatment and information they need, to reduce the need for drugs and treatment in the future. The more we have people addicted, the more we perpetuate the need for drugs and seeing doctors to get them, increasing the cost of healthcare. IS THIS REALLY HEALTHCARE? HOW DIFFERENT IS THIS FROM THE ILLEGAL DRUG BUSINESS? The more drug use, the higher the demand, the higher the price.

Depression can be understood by examining the beliefs regarding one’s identity before the trauma or past event(s), and the beliefs about identity subsequent to the event(s). There are conflicting and invalid beliefs that need to be extricated from the belief system giving more energy to one’s healthy personality. There are exercises to do to move one in a more productive mode of behavior, however the biggest job is in the examination of one’s belief about self, then and now.

Diet, exercise, dream suggestion, self discovery and self expression, along with belief examination are natural means of dealing with depression. Drugs can be an assistance, not a cure – especially with the side effects. Long term use often isn’t very healthy.

Depression often drains one of so much energy that one can’t move or becomes inert. That is the reason for using drugs in therapy – to lift one’s spirits enough enabling them to take action. Nevertheless, blind action without therapy can lead to even more trouble. That’s where the healthcare industry is in too many cases – DRUGS WITHOUT TREATMENT! Why? Convenience and greed.

Check this list of entries on `Depression’ in the Capt.s Search Box, which give a more detailed assessment of how to deal with depression. 

I’ve used these same techniques to deal with my own depression 30 years ago – without revisiting it!

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.

OVERCOMING SELF PITY MAKES US ALMOST INVULNERABLE TO LIFE’S FOIBLES.

Your death is a most individual and personal event of your life – the same can be said about your life, in general. We get so caught up and distracted by what’s happening outside of us, in the world, that we often ignore what’s transpiring within.  What’s inside of you determines how you view and interpret the events on the outside of you. Too many of us aren’t aware of this.

 

WHAT IS SELF PITY? It’s an emotion (a `woe is me’ syndrome) that overwhelms one’s being through one’s belief system, affecting one’s self image and beliefs about reality, detrimentally. Those who indulge in their self pity don’t really look for solutions. They get off too much on whining and complaining, telling you how things won’t change or can’t get better. There is a sense of nobility in holding to their position of hopelessness. The people who live in this state are some of the most powerless people you will ever run into. They are always at the mercy of events. The life lesson of, IT’S NOT THE EVENT, BUT HOW YOU RESPOND TO IT is often far from their comprehension and realization.

 

The seriously depressed often invests thoroughly in self pity as a way to justify not moving on from the depressed state. The believe in their depression and powerlessness. They remain in the state long enough to change their body chemistry to maintain that state. That’s how strong our beliefs about self are. WE CREATE OUR OWN REALITY (HEALTH INCLUDED) THROUGH OUR BELIEFS. CHANGE YOUR BELIEF, AND YOU CHANGE YOUR REALITY.

 

People buy into other people’s description of the world (parents, relatives, friends, church, education, government, media, etc.). This, in turn, leaves them powerless due to giving up that power, over their lives, to other people and things. What truly creates your life are the choices you make and the beliefs behind those choices. YOUR CHOICES ARE THE DETAILS OF YOUR LIFE. You make thousands of choices a day. In those choices are change for the better, worse or status quo. Those who are depressed see all three as the same.

 

Belief examination can offer those in the throes of depression a way out of their state, if they want change. You begin by examining the beliefs about yourself and reality in the problem areas of your life. It’s a way of tuning or synchronizing your reason with the beliefs you have about self and physical reality.

To EXAMINE YOUR BELIEFS http://thecapt.blog-city.com/steps_to_examine_your_belief_system_the_foundation_of_your_r_2.htm

The concept of overcoming self pity is one I learned through my readings of Carlos Castaneda’s Don Juan and applying them to my life. The method of belief examination came from my exploration through Jane Robert’s Seth. I used these concepts to overcome the self pity within me, the state of depression I would enter and exit randomly (without relapse) as well as to create the kind of life that has me anticipating waking up and engaging each morning, evening or afternoon. It has also given me the power to attract a mate of personal power and create a life path we share of passion and love, romantic and otherwise.

 

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.

FEELING THE PAIN OF LOVE & WANTING TO LOVE AGAIN!

There are so many people who’ve been burned so bad in love, they are scared of loving again – never wanting to feel the pain that can come from loving, again.  When love hurts, most of us don’t examine the pain which would give information about self and how to heal.  We learn from asking questions about things, of which, we don’t know. 

We’re all individuals, who learn the lessons of life at our own pace.  The following was written by a friend I recently made who is also a Life Coach – Nurse Pat!  It’s entitled,

                            ARE YOU READY TO LOVE AGAIN

Our love lives can be a series of ups and downs, a romantic roller coaster of anticipated thrills and unexpected drops, some leaving our little hearts squashed all over the pavement below. After any particularly turbulent and emotional ride, as we attempt to quickly distance ourselves from the machinery of so much pain and uncertainty, many can be heard to swear off of romance altogether.
Time heals all wounds We all need time to recover from any unsuccessful romantic relationship. Acknowledging our feelings, understanding our behavior and accepting the unhappy outcome are all necessary steps for letting go and moving on. The pace at which we move through these steps is unique to each of us.

While one week may be enough time for some people and in some situations, one year may prove too short for others. And there is no one time of absolute readiness, as there is no guarantee that memories of past loves won’t occasionally seat themselves behind us. While it is in our nature to persevere, in spite of our fears about the ensuing ride, when reentering the dating world, timing is everything.

Signs you aren’t ready: If you aren’t sure you’re ready to date again, you aren’t alone. It’s often harder to pin down an exact point of readiness than it is to observe a lack of readiness.

You probably aren’t ready to date again if: You have maintained any sexual relationship with your ex. You still live with your ex, even platonically. You are still wearing a ring, carrying a photo, or defining yourself as part of a couple. You are stalking, following, harassing or frequently thinking about your ex. You continue to harbor overwhelming negative feelings about your ex. You continue to cry or be angry about the circumstances of your last relationship.
What are your motivations? To assess your romantic readiness, consider your motives for wanting to date again. A love affair is not a panacea for all that ails you. Before you can find, form and maintain a happy and healthy relationship, you must first heal yourself. If you feel poisoned and victimized by circumstances and life choices, you must learn to make changes and live better.

These generally aren’t the right reasons to date: Everyone else at work is married and you want to fit in. A wife/husband would greatly improve your financial situation. You’re unhappy with your life, feel empty, and want someone to fill you up.

Finally, your emotional stamina may come into question when getting back into the dating game, since even casual dating can come with its ups and downs. Before you venture out among other eligible and interested singles, you may want to prepare yourself for the romantic realities awaiting you.
Seize the day You’re probably ready to date if you feel capable of facing any of the following: Being rejected when asking for a dance, phone number or date. Answering questions about your last relationship. Navigating misunderstandings and disagreements. Working through the various issues that are bound to come up. Rejecting someone honestly and kindly.

Identifying, accepting and admitting strong feelings for someone new. Allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable, and to one day love and be loved.

Whether you decide you’re ready to date again or not, go at your own pace. The roller coasters continue to run and there a plenty of us waiting to board. Be patient; someone is saving a seat for you right now.

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.

LOST LOVE, LOST LOVED ONE, LONELINESS & THE HOLIDAYS!

No matter who you are and/or what you do, life has a way of coming full circle – so be careful of what you spit into the wind.  Last year, with little knowledge of what was to come for me, personally, I posted an entry regarding holiday loneliness, loss of a loved one, lost love, etc.  After losing my Mother two months ago today, those words are just as important to me now, as they were to so many others a year ago. 

Although this is considered a season of joy, there are a number of folks who find this time of year very lonely, sad, and depressing. Many of those without someone special in one’s life, often find this time of year full of anxiety and loneliness. You also have people who have lost loved ones and will be spending this time of year without them for the first time. The first anniversary of such a loss can be a time of mourning. The breakup of families and love relationships also can bring about sadness in folks this time of year. Not having any money  can also leave one depressed.

Does it have to be this way? Not necessarily! When my marriage (one son) and relationship of 15 years ended at my wife’s behest, I was caught with my pants down (figuratively) because I believed in my vows. My thoughts were that you work through the bad times to get back to the good ones. She didn’t even want to see a counselor. She said, IT’S NOT YOU. IT’S JUST THAT I WANT TO DO SOMETHING ELSE WITH MY LIFE. This, coming from a woman who insisted that if I loved her I would marry her.  I thought we could work things out, at least for 8 more years until my son was 18, but she wanted no parts of it. This happened in September of that year.

By the time I found a new job, an apartment, and was able to make it livable, it was almost Thanksgiving. As a person who was dedicated to my marriage, it was difficult emotionally and psychologically to accept the new life I was presented while looking back on my family relationship with very fond memories. This was not a case of two people arguing constantly or constantly going after one another. This was a unilateral decision she made, that may have been festering inside her for a while, to go for herself.

The last two years of my marriage incorporated a purposeful journey of self exploration. The work I had done to explore what my emotions meant to me and what I needed to do to bring those emotions back into balance, prepared me to a point for this new phase of my life without my family.

In the beginning of starting this new life, my mind kept going back to fond memories of my wife and son. No matter what I was doing my mind would keep looking back filling me with sadness and sapping my energy. I had witnessed couples that would break up and the way the individual people, who still wanted the relationship, would allow their lives to go to hell. THAT was something I didn’t want for myself, but I could feel myself headed that way. At the same time, I didn’t want to be one of those guys who would be begging to keep the relationship, checking up on the ex and son surreptitiously, and sneaking around to see who she might be dating.  Those things only make you hurt more.

I decided to go cold turkey when it came to her. My son, I would have a relationship with, but I wanted to shut her out just so I could heal. I knew I couldn’t function by having them on my mind all the time so I had to learn to distract myself. The mind operates like a camera. What you focus on is what you get. The trick was how to move my focus from the position of looking back to painful memories and be more in the moment.

First, it was necessary to set the proper attitude within me, so I asked myself some pertinent questions. 1) DO YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN WHAT YOU’RE GETTING OUT OF LIFE? 2) WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T WANT TO BE WITH YOU? 3) WHY DO YOU FEEL LESS WITHOUT YOUR FAMILY? 4) WHAT CAN YOU DO TO MAKE YOUR LIFE FEEL BETTER, RIGHT NOW? Answering these questions helped me to organize my scattered thoughts. When you go through these life traumas, it’s often reflected in having a lot of scattered thoughts that keep you inert (immobile). Being able to focus your thoughts makes order out of chaos, and it gives you power.

The Walkman had just come out at that time, so I bought one as a way to get myself focused in the moment through mixed tapes I created with music I wanted to hear, but without the memories. The mood of the music was positive and energetic. After 15 minutes of music I like, helps to change my mood. This helped me on my trips to and from work to focus on the music and keep my mind from thinking about my ex. My brother, playing tennis, hanging out with a female friend from school who lived in the area, and my radio show were great distractions. Sure, you have those moments on occasion, but once I would catch my mind going there, I would re-focus.

The first two weeks of doing this is the toughest because it takes work to keep re-focusing the mind away from the old memories. After four weeks of this, my friends and family couldn’t believe how quickly I was turning things around. Some even hinted that maybe I wasn’t REALLY THAT in love with my wife. Not true! I was working hard not to fall into the pattern that many people fall into when you’re the one who wants the relationship.

All of that was said to come to this: When my first holidays without my family rolled around I made plans for those days I thought could be the most depressing long before the days came. Planning in advance for the holidays makes it possible for you to distract yourself from the feelings that might come up if you’re alone. You fill the days with those things that you tend to get lost in. For me, there are certain people I can be around which virtually guarantees good feelings will be had by all. The same can be said regarding doing activities that grab your attention and focus. Eventually, you’re just living without having to distract yourself or force yourself to re-focus, unless that’s what you want.

When it comes to healing from emotional trauma, knowing yourself comes in handy. Why? Because you have ideas of things to explore that interest you. When you don’t know, it makes it that much more difficult to distract yourself to refocus from the painful thoughts.

Depression is a signpost saying that you are focusing too much on the past. Also, that you’re identifying too strongly with a past event or events that make you think about them in the present. In doing so, you are not living in the NOW, you are living in the past. Reflecting on the past without taking action to move forward, just holds you in the past. This is why I suggest scheduling activities that engage you, so you can be more in the moment, or NOW.  Don’t allow yourself to be one of those folks who live a life of hell because of life trauma.  Others have overcome.  So can you!

Even in dealing with the season with little money is a matter of being creative. Children tend to be very flexible about the holidays when they are allowed to know that financially things are not going well this season. It was always a time for my family to come together in other ways that brought us even closer together. Create gifts! Not only are they cheaper and more fun, but they tend to be more personal. THINK ABOUT THE REASON FOR THE SEASON.

When it comes to a loss of a loved one, or a loved one being far away, celebrate with them in mind.  Instead of mourning the loss, celebrate their lives.  Remember and share stories about them that made you smile.  Add some of the things they liked (food, songs, art, etc.) to the holiday itself so you feel them there with you in Spirit. 

My Mom loved the holidays and made sure my brother and I had great Christmases each year due to her not having them as a child.  We had to earn the holiday with good grades, but Mom looked at giving us what she didn’t have.  She will be missed, but celebrating Mom’s life this holiday season will make this one so much more special. 

So much of our own personal hell lies in the fact that we give into our emotions, instead of exploring them for understanding what they mean to us, and through that realization taking action that moves us in the direction we prefer to be going. IN OTHER WORDS, WE MUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE LIFE WE LIVE. It’s your choice as to the kind of life it will be.

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.  USE YOUR PERSONAL POWER.

HEALTHY CHOICES FOR HAPPINESS DURING SERIOUS ECONOMIC TIMES!

80% of Americans say the economy is a significant cause of stress, according to the American Psychological Association Survey.  As a result, there’s a toll on personal health – insomnia, fatigue, irritability and sadness are on the rise.

Just because you have a certain level of knowledge regarding meta-physics doesn’t mean you need not take your own advice.  Happiness comes from purposeful steps in achieving and maintaining that frequency. 

You often read me say, IT’S NOT THE EVENT(S), IT’S HOW YOU RESPOND TO IT!  It’s a key principle to happiness. 

Too many of us learn that life is about status, money, fame, and possessions.  Too often, we learn what’s truly meaningful to us in the worst of times, rather than the best.  Family, friends, exploring & sharing your passions (gifts), while helping others help themselves (charity).

Julian Kesner of the New York Daily News wrote an article dated April 23, 2009, entitled LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.  He claims Happiness and Optimism can wipe away or prevent a host of worry related health problems.  He quotes lead researcher Dr. Sheldon Cohen at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh saying, WE NEED TO TAKE MORE SERIOUSLY THE POSSIBILITY THAT POSITIVE EMOTIONAL STYLE IS A MAJOR PLAYER IN DISEASE RISK.  After two studies of study, he found, being happy can help ward off the common cold. 

The article goes on to state, after reviewing 35 different studies at University College London scientists determined a positive state of mind was associated with an almost 20% decreased risk of mortality, and the benefit existed regardless of whether an individual was sick or healthy.  In addition, Yale University scientists discovered that optimistic seniors lived about 7 years longer on average than their pessimistic peers.   Hear that so-called Realists?

In a study done at Israel’s Ben-Gurion University, last year, supported that young women who had suffered substantial mental hardship in their life had a significantly higher risk of developing breast cancer, even accounting for other variables.

The Capt. talking here: We often talk about depression, with respect to chemical imbalances in the body, as though we don’t have any control in how these chemicals are created.   So some patients who are told they’re condition is caused by a chemical imbalance often don’t see the connection between personal responsibly in behavior and beliefs, and the said imbalance with respect to how they respond to stress.    

Kesner continues his article with Dr. Richard Davidson, a professor of psychiatry and psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, who is one of the few scientists in the world who has tried to isolate happiness in the head.  In the early 1990’s, he discovered that happier people have more electrical activity on the left side of their brain, while dour types had more brain waves on the right side.

I’m always amazed at the number of people who feel their lives are out of their hands, when the reality is, your power is in how you respond to what life drops in your lap – so your control is in the response.   But you also have a lot of control in the seeds you sow in behavior.

Julian Kesner also offered 10 Ways To Feel Happier…Scientifically proven.

1) Curl Up With A Hot Drink – Yale University Researchers found simply holding a warm (non-alcoholic) drink makes you feel more generous and giving.  Cold drinks made subjects less trusting of others.

2) Exercise – Daily 30 minute cardio workouts can relieve depression and anxiety – in some cases, even better than prescription pills – and lift your spirits according to studies at Duke University, Arizona State University and elsewhere.

3) Splurge On Dinner, Not Shopping – A study at Empire State College says spending what money you can spare on experiences, such as a night on the town with a loved one, is more likely to make you feel happy than retail therapy at the mall. 

4) Play An Online Game – Has been proven in studies to reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol and improve your mood.

5)Watch A Funny Movie – Laughter benefits your immune system and can help replace negative emotions with positive ones, since your brain can’t  technically think about two things at once. 

6) Walk In The Woods – Japanese researchers found that experiencing nature reduces levels of stress, and can also boost immunity.  Good also for returning soldiers from war.

7) Make A Gratitude List – People who kept journal entries of things they were grateful for – as few as five things per list daily – were better off emotionally and felt more optismistic about the future according to psychologists at the University at California-Davis and the University of Miami.

8) Get A Whiff Of Lavender – An American study found it helped regulate the brain’s electrical patterns and induce relaxation, while British researchers found it improved subjects’ moods in a matter of minutes.  Aromatherapy!

9) Listen To Your IPOD – Music can change your mood for the better in seconds, according to studies.  It can even dilate your blood vessels and improve circulation – as long as it’s music you truly enjoy!

10) Try A Supplement – Both Vitamin D and fish oil have been linked to decreased risk of depression and a healthier mental state, and experts say few Americans get enough of either in their diets.  There’s a need for at least 1000 i.u.  Check with your doctor. 

Kesner says, invest in your relationships since they’re a key factor in happiness.  Learn to meditate since it helps one to become good at self-triggering positive emotions in daily life.   Set goals, they give you direction.  Avoid comparisons, it leads to disappointment.  Happiness and envy can’t co-exist.  Focus on your own progress.

The Capt. would like to add, discover, explore and share your passions (gifts) with the world.  HAPPINESS RARELY HAPPENS BY ACCIDENT!

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.