FEELING THE PAIN OF LOVE & WANTING TO LOVE AGAIN!

There are so many people who’ve been burned so bad in love, they are scared of loving again – never wanting to feel the pain that can come from loving, again.  When love hurts, most of us don’t examine the pain which would give information about self and how to heal.  We learn from asking questions about things, of which, we don’t know. 

We’re all individuals, who learn the lessons of life at our own pace.  The following was written by a friend I recently made who is also a Life Coach – Nurse Pat!  It’s entitled,

                            ARE YOU READY TO LOVE AGAIN

Our love lives can be a series of ups and downs, a romantic roller coaster of anticipated thrills and unexpected drops, some leaving our little hearts squashed all over the pavement below. After any particularly turbulent and emotional ride, as we attempt to quickly distance ourselves from the machinery of so much pain and uncertainty, many can be heard to swear off of romance altogether.
Time heals all wounds We all need time to recover from any unsuccessful romantic relationship. Acknowledging our feelings, understanding our behavior and accepting the unhappy outcome are all necessary steps for letting go and moving on. The pace at which we move through these steps is unique to each of us.

While one week may be enough time for some people and in some situations, one year may prove too short for others. And there is no one time of absolute readiness, as there is no guarantee that memories of past loves won’t occasionally seat themselves behind us. While it is in our nature to persevere, in spite of our fears about the ensuing ride, when reentering the dating world, timing is everything.

Signs you aren’t ready: If you aren’t sure you’re ready to date again, you aren’t alone. It’s often harder to pin down an exact point of readiness than it is to observe a lack of readiness.

You probably aren’t ready to date again if: You have maintained any sexual relationship with your ex. You still live with your ex, even platonically. You are still wearing a ring, carrying a photo, or defining yourself as part of a couple. You are stalking, following, harassing or frequently thinking about your ex. You continue to harbor overwhelming negative feelings about your ex. You continue to cry or be angry about the circumstances of your last relationship.
What are your motivations? To assess your romantic readiness, consider your motives for wanting to date again. A love affair is not a panacea for all that ails you. Before you can find, form and maintain a happy and healthy relationship, you must first heal yourself. If you feel poisoned and victimized by circumstances and life choices, you must learn to make changes and live better.

These generally aren’t the right reasons to date: Everyone else at work is married and you want to fit in. A wife/husband would greatly improve your financial situation. You’re unhappy with your life, feel empty, and want someone to fill you up.

Finally, your emotional stamina may come into question when getting back into the dating game, since even casual dating can come with its ups and downs. Before you venture out among other eligible and interested singles, you may want to prepare yourself for the romantic realities awaiting you.
Seize the day You’re probably ready to date if you feel capable of facing any of the following: Being rejected when asking for a dance, phone number or date. Answering questions about your last relationship. Navigating misunderstandings and disagreements. Working through the various issues that are bound to come up. Rejecting someone honestly and kindly.

Identifying, accepting and admitting strong feelings for someone new. Allowing yourself to be open and vulnerable, and to one day love and be loved.

Whether you decide you’re ready to date again or not, go at your own pace. The roller coasters continue to run and there a plenty of us waiting to board. Be patient; someone is saving a seat for you right now.

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.

LOVE PARTNERS ARE A NUMBERS GAME THAT BEST STARTS WITH FRIENDSHIP!

Entering the romantic game of love, being sensitive, easily hurt, and ready to quit at the first sign of rejection doesn’t shout success.  Self pity puts big holes in your armor.  But, if you discover the best you, showing confidence, there are few types of people that are beyond your reach.  The tougher your hide is to rejection (don’t take yourself so seriously), the easier it is to make friends.  And that’s where solid love relationships develop… out of friendship.

For longer than I’d like to admit, sales has been my thing.  If you can sell, consistently, you never have to worry about a job, you can create your own work (all you need is a product), and can live a cut above most folks who earn a salary.  Sales people are like the hunters of ancient times.  They make it possible for others to live and survive, giving them value to a society or business.  They make it possible for the salary earners to have jobs.  Why?  Because sales people bring in the money that allow businesses to survive and thrive.  If you don’t bring in money, your job is a cost to the company.  The best sales people are those who have the qualities mentioned in the last half of the first paragraph.

In love, like sales, see the winner in you!  It’s best to know your product (YOU), approach with confidence and a smile, know your pitch/approach, know your market (where your interests lie), be respectful and always be closing.  People buy from you because they like you and the product your selling.  People like being your friend because of how you make them feel: comfortable, free to be, attractive, of value, having a good time.  The same can be said about love: We love people based on how they make us feel about ourselves.  Unless you’re lacking self worth, feeling that you don’t deserve much better than the disrespect and/or abuse you’re receiving.

Lose all desperation!  People feel that a mile away.  Stay within yourself but with energy and confidence, not hype!  Don’t take yourself so seriously.  If this doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world.  ‘Next!’

Your gifts/passions are an excellent lure for your market of people, making it easier to close the friendship deal.  Use your gifts and passions!  People are attracted to folks with passions and a direction.  When you know you (self knowledge), you know your passions and direction.

WHAT ABOUT SUCCESS? – Success is adding to your flow of life the people and things that enrich living.  In sales, we it call ‘the numbers game’ because you have to go through a certain set of numbers/approaches before you get a sale.  The more fluid you are, the fewer numbers you have to go through.  You will meet a number of people where friendship is just not going to happen.  However, the law of probability says if you’re consistent with your approach, you will eventually land that friendship (sale) that’s right for your life flow.  Sometimes you’ll go through less numbers, other times you’ll go through more.  Keep in mind, success is just the next person away.

When I discovered the best ‘ME’ folks responded to in sales, I started using that personality in my public life with great results.  Wherever I go, I’m bringing a positive experience to those who engage with me.  In that experience, people want to do things for you (not that I’m usually asking).  Especially those you deal with regularly.  Folks tend to respond to your stimulus or energy.  What you give out, they will send it right back to you.  I say this because it’s good practice for those times when you’d
like to make a new friend (potential mate).  You don’t have to come off as someone you’re not, just throwing a line of bull.  And you don’t have to be the dreamiest guy/gal for this to work for you, either.

Just be you, with confidence!  Hey, IT’S A NUMBERS GAME!

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE TRUTH RESIDES.