DEPENDENCY, JEALOUSY, & OBSESSION OFTEN LEAD TO ABUSE & SOMETIMES DEATH

Another story was in the papers of a young, beautiful, black female student at New York University, found dead in her mother’s apartment that she shared with friends. The police are looking for her boyfriend, who she had an off and on relationship, who friends say is very jealous. This is an occurrence we see much too frequently in our society. What’s profound are the number of cases of abuse that go unreported, along with those that are reported at an increasing rate.

 

Jealousy and obsession are emotions that are felt both by men and women, however the physical abuses and deaths are much greater for women. The fascinating thing is that most females, caught in this mess with a jealous lover, never seem to even see the problem coming.

 

We can blame the jealous and obsessive person for the things that they do. But that person doesn’t enter your life without you letting them in. The key is in recognizing this person in the first place, before you let them in. However, they can be hard to recognize if you are lacking self worth.

 

There is a physical attraction but I want to follow this problem from the side of women who fall prey to these characters. Note: Women can be just as obsessive as men, but it usually doesn’t lead to physical abuse and death.  Just a man living in hell. ;]

 

These guys often buy the woman gifts, gives her money, and will do things to try the win the woman’s heart, but it’s done as a means to make the woman feel obligated to follow his wishes. Now that he’s taken you out, bought you nice gifts, and made little repairs in your house or car, he feels he has the right to control who you see and what you do – and gets angry about it, attempting to put fear in you.

 

So you’re out with friends dancing, drinking and having a sociable time and Mr. Smooth attempts to talk to you or asks for a dance. Your new man gets very jealous wanting to know what the guy wanted and why you were talking to him in the first place. If a woman doesn’t put a jealous guy in his place the very first time his controlling behavior shows itself, letting the behavior slide because she feels he’s being protective (really over protective) and loving, you are letting yourself in for the worse ride of your life.  Once you act like you think this behavior is cute – you’re lost!

 

See, once jealousy and controlling behavior is accepted by the other party, the obsessed one digs their emotionally dependent tentacles into you further. The time to deal with this behavior is when it first occurs. When you let the behavior slide, it just gets worse. If you are afraid to stand up for yourself, you are controlled. Women who live this way aren’t adults. They are grown children without any control over their lives.  A grown person takes responsibility for their life. 

 

Controlling behavior, by someone who claims to love you, is easy to recognize when you have self worth, self love and self esteem. A person with self worth isn’t looking for a significant other to set their schedule or give them directions in life. A person with self worth lays down their own plans for their future. Real love will allow you to be who and what you are! Controlling behavior never allows you such freedom.

 

Who are the biggest victims to obsession and controlling behavior? Teenage girls, young women, single mothers with children, and women who are economically dependent and/or materialistic.

 

By the way, the obsessing person and the victim attract each other by their beliefs. The woman believes she’s economically dependent on a man for what she wants in life, and he believes he’s emotionally dependent on her to meet his emotional needs through controlling behavior (jealousy and obsession). These beliefs attract one another. Emotional dependency and economic dependency go hand in hand.

 

They both suffer from invalid and/or conflicting beliefs that allow them to come together, but there is little happiness in this coupling. The ranks of women who live like this is significant. The guy with the obsession `loves’ his woman so much that he’ll beat the living hell out of her if she doesn’t do his bidding. He fears losing her, so he doesn’t want any other man talking with her, doesn’t want her friends influencing her, is suspicious of phone calls or when she goes out alone, and yet he says he wants her to be happy. That’s a sick puppy that needs serious belief examination.

 

These folks have a distorted view as to what love is. The fact that he would abuse the person he says he loves shows a conflict in beliefs. But her beliefs about self and reality aren’t any better. Many women become economic dependents because they don’t believe in their own capability for bringing in an income. Culturally, there are large numbers of women who believe in the man `taking control’. Taking this attitude leaves one open to controlling and abusive behavior. Also these women need to examine what they believe love to be. There are certainly conflicting beliefs at play here. Is love based on gifts, money, materialism and so-called protection or is it allowing you to be who and what you are?

 

This is another case of having the self knowledge to know what you want in your life and what you don’t. KNOWING WHAT YOU DESERVE IN LIFE. To ask for abuse or to attract abusive people in your life stems from not knowing who you are and having invalid and/or conflicting beliefs. Many women don’t believe they deserve better and remain in this type of relationship due to a lack of self love. You open yourself up to depression and the illnesses that stem from it (diabetes, cancer, heart disease, etc.).

 

Ladies, you can do better than this. YOU DO CREATE YOUR REALITY ACCORDING TO YOUR BELIEFS ABOUT SELF AND REALITY. It’s time to take a look within. The answers are there for you.

 

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.

WHY? THE SIGNIFICANCE OF ASKING THAT QUESTION – And How It Affects Your Daily Life.

Why are we importing our food when we can grow it here? Why do we claim such great love for our children, yet our behavior, individually and collectively, illustrates otherwise? Why do we expect wars to solve problems when they create even more complicated ones? Why do Americans glorify and protect the rich when they don’t give two doodoos of a turd about you, and treat you accordingly? Why as we fight for the last drop of oil, we refuse to seriously explore alternative and renewable sources? Why do we belittle diplomacy as though war is somehow more noble and intellectual? Could we have made better use of those lives?

Children inherently know that to get information about how the world works calls for asking, Why? Too often adults loose that ability and tend to take people at what they say – the priest, the President, the policeman, the politician, the generals, doctors, etc. Accepting what they say as though their veracity is beyond reproach. These people are human, are fallible, and are bound to fail you. To see them as though they are better than you are, is what has this country in the predicament it’s in.

Why do we keep giving lip service to having a color-blind society, when it would be most beneficial to be a color appreciative one? Why do we charge people to get an education? Wouldn’t it be productive to promote and finance education for all considering the global economy we’re facing? Why is our government working to weaken the citizens of the U.S. instead of empowering them? Why do we rush to spend billions on war and so little for what we need in this country? Why do U.S. citizens accept this behavior from our government? From a meta-physical position, it shows a citizenry lacking self worth.

Why have we allowed the larger businesses to take our jobs overseas, pay for it with our tax dollars and then buy those goods from those same companies who took the jobs away? Isn’t this also a sign of lacking self worth and self respect?

Why do some women allow their men to continue to treat them with a lack of respect ( and often abuse), while clinging to that relationship? Why do employees take shit from their employers with barely a whimper out of them? If you don’t have a plan for escape, you’re lacking self love. Not only are you not pursuing your passion (things you love/your gifts), but you’re also not making plans to do so. Also, if you’re sticking with an abusive man because you have kids together and he won’t attend counseling to make things better, you go to counseling so you can see the possibilities available for you to change your circumstances.

To those women who had abortions in the past that they regret, and are now anti-abortionists, I ask, WHAT PENALTY DO YOU THINK A WOMAN SHOULD PAY FOR HAVING HAD AN ABORTION? CONSIDERING YOU HAVE DONE THE CRIME, SHOULD YOU ALSO DO THE TIME, TOO? And to those women who haven’t had abortions, but your daughter, or niece or cousin has, should they pay the same price?

 

Why do we believe members of Mensa are so smart, when they tend to believe they are somehow better than others due to their I.Q.? If they’re that smart, shouldn’t they know they’re no better than the rest of us?

WAR!  Why do we keep doing the same things expecting change? Why not diplomacy and creative thinking instead of the cost in lives, treasure and time of war? Who benefits? War profiteers! If 500,000 innocent Iraqi people have died since we invaded their country, is the world better because of it? Why have their lives meant so little even in terms of taking a tally of their deaths? No matter what we do in Iraq, can we say that it was worth 500,000 Iraqi deaths and untoll numbers of wounded? What would we think if this happened here for some other super power’s agenda?

If we just take into consideration the number of innocent women and babies that have been killed there (deaths you haven’t witnessed) due to our invasion, are we not as brutal as the people we say we’re after?  Look how this approach has infringed on our Constitutional Rights?  Is it worth that?

Does a person really hate America because he/she wants America to be responsible for its behavior? Are you really a patriot because you suck up to symbols you don’t really believe in and follow your leader like sheep? Why do we allow the underbelly of our culture to direct us? Why did White America let George Bush and Dick Cheney high jack their religion, ethics, lives of our children, jobs and economic future for a war of choice? Why do Americans ignore the enemy of their family, children’s family, and grandchildren’s family in our leadership?  Why do Black American families often allow those who have been incarcerated and are part of the criminal justice system to set the agenda for our children in lifestyle and culture?  Why is it that if one is trying to save the environment so that we can continue to survive, that person is labeled an environmental terrorist? Why are there unapproved drugs on our drugstore shelves?  Why not marijuana?  If the Food and Drug Administration are supposed to be protecting our food and drugs, aren’t they failing?  Bio-genetically engineered food, cloned meats, imported food and no labeling.  Why?

Carlos Castaneda’s Don Juan caused Castaneda to review a time in his life when he was taking his two longtime pet cats, to a shelter to be put to sleep. Both cats were domesticated. When he went to pick up the cat that was all fluffy, it went quietly into the shelter to its death. But when he went back to the car for the other cat (by the way, it was Black ;]), that cat sprinted out of the car avoiding him and ended up running into a sewer down the street.  Castaneda looked back at the experience thinking the cat that ran away had found its Spirit.  While the other cat, without his cat Spirit, went quietly to his death.

The significance of the story: Are you going to just accept what people tell you to be the truth and let them lead you to possibly your death. Or will you be the cat that found its Spirit and took the chance to see if there was something better, even though he didn’t know what the future would hold? Questioning why?

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.  USE YOUR PERSONAL POWER.

GUYS! DON’T GO TO SLEEP IF YOUR LADY’S ANGRY!

There seems to be a rash of women killing men in their sleep, turning up in the media, lately.  It’s said, that men are physically stronger than women, and some women are using the ole equalizer, sleep, to do their damage for what they think is abuse.

When I was a child, I over heard conversations women had with one another about the men in their lives as well as in their friends’.  These were mainly lower income women, but there was this understanding that if a man ever touched them in an abusive manner, that man better not go to sleep. 

The most famous incident recently, was the murder of retired NFL superstar quarterback Steve McNair.  Being a guy who followed Steve’s career from his time at Alcorn State, as a record setting college player, throughout his NFL career with the Tennessee Titan (one Super Bowl title) and the Baltimore Ravens), this hit me pretty hard for two reasons. 

First, besides the wonders he produced on the athletic field, this was a guy who gave to family, friends, fans and other folks he didn’t know.  When we talk about giving back to the community, McNair was near the top.  Secondly, with all the good seed my man was sowing, why was the reaping (karma) so deadly? 

For those who don’t follow these things, Steve was a married man with 4 sons, having a public affair with a very attractive 20 year old Iranian woman.  Steve had other ladies he would see, according to the manager of his restaurant.  It all, allegedly, came to a head when 2 days before the event, she purchased a gun, then shooting McNair twice in the head and twice in the chest while he slept.  She capped it by putting a bullet into her own head, ending her life in a murder/suicide. 

Recently, boxer Arturo Gatti was allegedly killed by his wife Amanda, strangling her husband with her purse, because he was drunk, and stabbing him in the back of his head with a knife.  This was a volatile relationship where they fought almost constantly.  But recognize the technique – sleep!

Last year in New York, a wife allegedly shot her well respected fireman husband in his sleep, initially blaming intruders for his death.  Later, changing her statement to his being a long time abuser in their marriage leading to her to killing him. 

Many females will look at these cases and say these men deserved what they got, due to their disloyalty and/or abuse.  What these men were guilty of, is what a number of men are guilty of, but without the life ending punishment – infidelity or abuse (mental, emotional, physical).

There are no winners here – not even Steve McNair’s wife.   Sure, she may be entitled to a nice sum of money, but she has to raise 4 sons who loved their father dearly, who have a number of questions they want to ask their mom regarding their parental and love relationship.  Also wondering, Why did this happened?

Self knowledge is key information, about self, as to what choices are best to make regarding who and what we are as individuals.  This does not mean we become `goody two shoes folks’.  That’s not what life is about.  But it means you make better choices, not only for yourself, but choices that are good for others as well, being mindful of the Spiritual Law of Sowing and Reaping. 

It calls for truthful self examination, honest self criticism, with an understanding that personal responsibility is essential to a successful life.

The question is, WHAT DO WE LEARN FROM RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THIS?  Another question is WHY DO PEOPLE HOLD ONTO RELATIONSHIPS THAT AREN’T WORKING FOR THEM?

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES. 

WHY ARE SO MANY WOMEN WANTING, WHEN IT COMES TO A LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN?

Even some of them that already have men, complain.  Women who believe the Lord Jesus Christ is their savior, women who have their own money, and even those who are educated and independent, good looks and nice bodies are having difficulty in having a romantically loving relationship that fulfills them.

Many of those who have men already (married, unmarried but living together, & have a relationship but are living separately) have given up virtually all their power to the man in their lives, giving him control over a relationship for which they are unhappy.  And when they stay in those relationships, without demanding the respect they deserve, the guy figures what he does is okay with his woman.  Many of these women are willing to be in a living hell just to hold onto a man that doesn’t really deserve them. 

Too many ladies in this predicament are professed believers in Jesus Christ and God, yet live lives of depression, unhappiness, disrespect, etc.  Do they really think this is what God/Christ wanted for them?  Remember, Christ said, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE FOR THOSE WHO BELIEVE!  Unless, those beliefs about self and reality are invalid and/or conflicting. 

So why, with this incredible Spiritual power available to them, are they living such unfulfilling lives and hold onto bad relationships?  Are they misusing and/or misunderstanding the Spiritual doctrines, or is their faith and belief not strong enough to change their circumstances?  Too many of these women seem to be empty vessels being used and abused by the men they love.  Again, IS THIS WHAT THEY THINK GOD HAS WANTED FOR THEM IN THEIR RELATIONSHIPS?

The women who have used their talents to make their lives easier financially, often don’t have men at all or can’t seem to attract a man that fits in well with their flow.  Too often, these women attempt to apply the same techniques they use in doing business, as their approach to getting a man.  Annk!  Most times that doesn’t work.  If these women go for a while without a man, they too will sometimes let the man disrespect them through his behavior, hoping to hold on.  Why?

The beautiful women who have great faces and/or bodies often think that they’ve done everything they need to do by looking great.  But too often those women, caught up in their looks, are some of the most insecure women you want to meet because they don’t believe there is anything more they have to offer than their looks.  So they end up picking guys who are as superficial as they are, in judging character, yet stay in relationships without mutual respect and love. 

LADIES, HAVING BABIES FOR THESE MEN DON’T CONNECT THEM TO YOU MORE IN A LOVING WAY.  IT OFTEN WORKS TO YOUR DISADVANTAGE BY PUTTING MORE OBSTACLES BETWEEN WHERE YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU NEED TO DO TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER.  SO FORGET HAVING BABIES AS A TACTIC TO GET LOVE.  IT STARTS WITH LOVING YOU!

Which brings us to the major reason for this misery – a lack of self love, self worth and self esteem.  If you don’t love yourself, why would someone who doesn’t know you, love you?  LOOKS?  Self love is a major ingredient in being able to recognize who is right or wrong for you. 

Love is expression (doesn’t matter what kind of love it is)!  Self love is self knowledge manifested or expressed in physical reality.  What does that mean?  It means, whatever is inside you is to be expressed physically.  Too many women don’t recognize or are even aware of the passions or gifts they have within them, that call for expression.  How many even know what their feelings and emotions are saying to them?  How many have attempted to find out?  Do they know their strengths and weaknesses?  Do they know how to use Spiritual Law to attract the man who is good for them in a relationship? 

Do they know how to recognize a man who is best for them?  When a woman truly begins to know herself, she gains knowledge as to who is right for her and who isn’t.  It becomes a sifting process.  See, the way you gauge who is right for you is like this.  THE GREATEST GIFT ONE CAN GIVE TO ANOTHER IS TO ALLOW THE PERSON TO BE WHO AND WHAT THEY ARE!  In allowing an individual to be themselves, you then can gauge whether you can accept their flaws or not.  If not, don’t try to change them, just let them know what is acceptable and what isn’t.  If they don’t want to change – NEXT!  See, to accept someone for who they are means accepting the total person, flaws and all. 

So this means, any man attempting to control you, change you, abuse you, disrespecting you, etc. is not the man for you.  You can tell him the first time it happens, but if it happens again, it’s time to kiss that guy goodbye.  Otherwise, your staying with him says to him, IT’S OKAY TO TREAT ME THIS WAY.  This is where so many of the women described above are, today!  They’re in bad relationships and stay in them for fear of not having a man.  Not having a man is better than being in a relationship with the wrong one. 

The first step is self love.  Get to know who and what you are.  You build self love by taking responsibility for the events that occur in your life.  Take the responsibility for overcoming the negative aspects of your life, through making better choices.  Discover, explore and share your passions/gifts with others.  Help others to help themselves.  This, is how self love is expanded. 

The greater a woman’s self knowledge the greater her ability to attract AND recognize the person who will be a good mate for her. 

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.

WHEN WILL AMERICANS LEARN THAT BIG BUSINESS IS NOT OUR FRIEND?

Americans are like the girlfriend of big business, who’s man is kicking her ass in public.  Yet when someone (President Obama) steps up to stop the ass kicking, she turns on her rescuer, violently, thus allowing the boyfriend to continue kicking her ass, taking off with her car, money, clothes and other belongings.  That’s where Americans are today… taking the side of our abusers (big business, the rich & a bought Congress).  And the ass kickin’ continues… with our help through behavior or a lack of it!

Big business, along with big banks and health insurance companies, bought off a large segment of Congress (House & Senate), and with Republican  assistance wrote the bills that sent American jobs overseas by the millions… 12 million in fact.  These same people changed the banking laws (de-regulation & bankruptcy), undermined unions and trial lawyers leaving Americans to be exploited by big business, using the guise of terrorism and war to thoroughly pull the financial rug from under U.S. citizens.  Not only did good paying jobs go overseas, but Americans have been kicked in the teeth by illegal immigration, further bringing down wages here, losing homes and their financial stability!

The geniuses of big business, energy, big banks and health insurance companies who believe they know what’s best for this nation brought not only our economy, virtually, to a screeching halt or near collapse, but also affected economies around the world. 

Big business and the Republican Party (the White Party) sold the American people a bill of goods when they said free trade would benefit Americans with less expensive products, even though the jobs necessary to take advantage of those lower prices were being shipped overseas.  The price of products never came down, and jobs went out the window to Asia.  What a trade-off!  They also pushed the idea that without unions, which helped to create the biggest middle class ever, U.S. citizens would be better off.  Since 2001, the middle class has been shrinking at an ever increasing rate.  Furthermore, they attempted to take away Americans’ recourse to big businesses errors that harm them, by trying to limit trial lawyers and monetary awards.  WHY DO AMERICANS TRUST THESE PEOPLE?

For 8 years we had a Republican President and Republican Party that’s worked for these elements, instead of the American people.  The Tea Party, now, has joined them.  President Obama came into office offering to change the way the system had been working, making it one that worked more for the American people.  The traditional ways big business has operated found Obama to be a threat to what they think is their pot of gold.  So knowing how, historically, race is like catnip to too many White folks, they’ve used race and socialism (& communism) as an attempt to make the President look foreign to his fellow Americans.  It’s a throwback to the ’50’s  and ’60’s when the call for ‘racial equality’ was equated, by many Whites, with socialism and communism – rather than the human need for fair treatment under the law.  Somehow they forget the Constitution is for all Americans!

In healthcare, we pay double or more with respect to what other countries pay, and we get less coverage without all citizens having access.  President Obama’s attempts at reform were rebuffed by the Anti-Obama’s (Republicans and Tea Party, 99% White).  These folks gave delusional arguments against reform playing right into the hands of those who have made healthcare costs a runaway dynamic – the insurers, drug companies and the medical industry.  Health care suffers from the same problem big businesses suffer, and that’s a lack of competition.  Regulation isn’t socialism or communism… it’s common sense.  It was the fact that there was little to no regulation that led to the economic mess we find ourselves now!

What we have right now is labeled capitalism but in actuality it’s closer to a contemporary serfdom than anything else.  This is due to little or no competition stemming from a lack of regulation, the lack of enforcement of anti-trust laws (which minimize monopolies and oligopolies) and the egotistical idea of greed becoming popular.  Our bought governments (city, state and federal) allow for no-bid contracts to be issued (no competition) to cronies and campaign contributors as a normal way of doing business.  This is where a large segment of our collective financial resources are being wasted.  For example, in New York City we spend close to $20 billion a year on education.  Can you believe we gave out to 19 bus companies a total of $1.1 billion in no-bid contracts to take students to and from school? And that doesn’t even cover all of our students!  Can you imagine the waste in military budget?

The founders of this nation, a group Republicans like to claim for themselves, saw ideal capitalism as competition among numerous small businesses where virtually each family unit was a business.  They also saw government as being run by average citizens for the good of the people.  Republicans, the Tea Party and our current Supreme Court believe big businesses and the rich are as important, if not more so than average citizens.  My question is, WHY DO SO MANY WHITE AMERICANS ADHERE TO THE THOUGHT THAT THE AIM OF THE RICH AND BIG BUSINESSES IS TO LOOK OUT FOR THE WELL BEING OF AMERICAN CITIZENS?  HOW MANY TIMES DOES THEIR MATE HAVE TO ABUSE THEM BEFORE THEY LEARN THIS AIN’T LOVE?  WHY HAVEN’T THEY LEARNED FROM THE TRICKLE DOWN ECONOMICS OF REAGAN AND BUSH,II WHICH LEFT US IN SUCH TREMENDOUS DEBT AND NEAR COLLAPSE?

Here we have a President who wants to bring the power back to the people, but we have a citizenry with so little self worth that they let race get in the way of helping him overcome the MONEY forces that are against that change.  The sad part is that after getting a good ass whipping, these same citizens will (under the catnip influence of race) put the SAME people back into office who will go back to kicking their ass again and again. 

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE THE TRUTH RESIDES.