SO MANY WOMEN MAKE BAD CHOICES IN MEN, WHILE MEN HURT MORE FROM FAILED LOVE!

And it doesn’t matter the income, education level, ethnicity or religion, women create pain for themselves by lacking the knowledge of what it is they REALLY want and how to even measure a good man.  In this confusion, many of these women mess over ‘good men’ putting them through immeasureable pain. 

In an article, BROKEN HEARTS HURT MEN MORE THAN WOMEN, blogger Shari Roan writes, Women may shed more tears over a busted romantic relationship, but men suffer the greater emotional toll, researchers say.

In a study of more than 1,000 men and women, ages 18 to 23, researchers found that unhappy romances cause men more emotional grief, including threatening their identity and feelings of self-worth. Young men and women express their distress at a breakup differently. Women are more likely to feel depressed after a breakup, while men are more likely to have substance-abuse problems.

Men may be more affected by a breakup because their romantic partners are their primary source of intimacy. Women, however, are more likely to have other close relationships with friends or family members to turn to for support, said the study’s author, Robin Simon of Wake Forest University.

Nonmarital relationships are important to a young adult’s well-being, Simon said. “However, the advantages of partner support and disadvantages of partner strain are more closely associated with men’s than women’s mental health,” she wrote. The study is published in the June issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior.

Invariably, we hear more about women’s side of a love relationship more than we do men, because women have more of a network of people that they discuss their problems with than men do.  Men, generally, tend to keep this information to themselves, stewing in their personal hell of ‘love hurts’. 

Men tend to fall into 3 categories: The Player/Bad Boy, The Good Relationship Guy, and The Socially Inept/Nerd.  Women tend to flock to men they can’t have, The Player/Bad Boy, thinking they have what it takes to tame this guy.  The qualities of this type man is generally irresponsibility, low self worth, raw sexuality, disrespectful, egotistical, selfish, with more than one woman, often with at least another ‘baby mama’ (if not more), while lacking direction in his life.  Not what you would call good relationship material, but women LOVE these guys.  Too bad the feeling isn’t mutual.

The Good Relationship Guy often has the qualities of responsibility, commitment, a direction to his life, honest, respectful, decent work ethic, with the ability to be family oriented.  All the qualities women would like their Bad Boy to have, but doesn’t.  Women tend to love the stability of such a man, yet often find this guy too predictable and unexciting. 

The Socially Inept/Nerd is often quirky, focused on his passions, doesn’t know how to relate well with others (especially the ladies), creative, and yet, has a way of pulling in a solid income.  Women are often attracted to these guys due to the income they earn.  However, they will often cheat on these guys, believing them to be ‘boring’.  They love the money that allows them to ‘shop til they drop’ and go places, but if they could have the money without the man, they would do it at the drop of a hat.

When you keep in mind that women file for divorce 60% more than men do, it makes you wonder why they appear so fickle with respect to love relationships?  It’s a lack of self knowledge (self love).  A woman going on the hunt for a wealthy man is a woman who doesn’t believe she can bring in that income herself.  A woman who wants the ‘Bad Boy’ is looking for love in all the wrong places.  Her choice of the Bad Boy illustrates a woman confused.  How?  She doesn’t know herself well enough to see that the Bad Boy brings nothing but misery except for sexual chemistry.  That’s fine, if all you want to do is play, but if you’re looking for something stable, you’re barking up the wrong tree.   They don’t see they are loving a man that doesn’t love in return; that disrespects them; is having self worth, self love and self esteem problems; that’s seeing other people romantically. 

A woman with self knowledge (self love) can recognize those same qualities in a man when he has it.  IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE.  Women are the loudest complainers with respect to not having the love they want in their lives, but they relegate themselves to making the same mistakes, over and over, because they fail to seek self love, first, which is self knowledge.  The more you know you, the easier it is to recognize it in others… whether of the same sex or opposite.

When love fails and you’re in pain, it’s a key time to become aware of the numerous lessons to be learned from it regarding yourself and why you choose the partners you do.  This is pertinent information for better future love relationships so that you don’t keep repeating the same mistakes while choosing the same type of men/women that are not good for you. 

So when love hurts, the work begins (self love/self knowledge) leading you to love relationships that make life fantastic.  REMEMBER, YOU MAKE YOU HAPPY… IT’S NO ONE ELSE’S RESPONSIBILITY TO DO THAT!

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE TRUTH RESIDES.

WHY DO WE WANT PEOPLE TO RESPOND THE WAY WE WANT? NOT BE WHO THEY ARE!

The biggest incentive to discord and violence in the world today stems from people wanting other people to behave the way they want them to, rather than as they are.  Thus, finding a way to peacefully co-exist through a philosophy of ‘live and let live’.  Large numbers of people around the world are demanding, MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!  However, wanting someone to behave the way you want is a combination of self pity, irresponsibility, and selfishness, with a hint of irrational thinking.  WHY WOULD ANYONE HAVE TO LIVE THEIR LIFE ACCORDING TO YOU?

It’s, also, the killer of most relationships!  When you say you want someone to behave in a fashion that makes you feel better (even without your prompting), aren’t you saying, BE WHAT I WANT YOU TO BE… DON’T BE WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE?  How can you ask someone to change their identity to what you want, despite how they feel?  Is it not their life, too?

People expect their mate, friends, relatives, strangers, etc. to read their mind with respect to what they want, need, and desire, when they’re  communicated by voicing them… not expecting them to happen psychically.  Plus, your wants, needs and desires are not the responsibility of anyone else but you, although folks can respond to you out of love and/or concern. 

Nevertheless, the attitude that folks should be the way you want them to be has gotten totally out of hand – especially by the media.  Doesn’t matter whether it’s the way they want the President to manage this nation to how Miley Cyrus behaves on stage and in public, people believe others must do their jobs and live their lives like the people want.  And there’s a sickness in this attitude.

First, it’s a hypocritical position to take when we demand from others, what we don’t necessarily provide ourselves and/or reciprocate.  Like asking athletes and celebrities to be role models for your children when it’s your job to steward them.  That attitude reeks of irresponsibility.  Or like being strongly against gay marriage while coveting someone else’s wife or committing some other sin.  Or voting for George Bush as President not just once, but twice, and somehow thinking you know better how to run things than President Obama.  You supported the policies of a president for 8 years that has put this country in the biggest mess ever, but think you know how to fix the said mess.  What drugs are you taking?

Secondly, the irrationality of thinking someone should live or be the way you want them to is rather obvious.  What gives you the right to tell someone how they should behave?  Is your behavior without fault?  How would you feel having someone tell you how you should behave?  Does it not become clearer, as to how irrational this controlling quality is, when you answer those two questions? 

Got Bridezillas on cable television where women put in so much concern, money, time and effort for a day of celebration, rather than the thought, conscientiousness, love, comraderie, planning, etc. needed to make the marriage last (including friends and relatives).

One benefits from accepting people as they are, instead of what you want them to be!  When you do, you avoid expending energy in areas that are a distraction to your personal success.  People are only what you think they are, however their true essence is often beyond your awareness.  Wanting people to be what you want them to be is a total distraction from where your focus would benefit you the most… on what YOU do!

So, let the President be the President.  Let your lover be who and what he/she is.  Let the celebrities, athletes, politician, friends, relatives, etc. be who and what they are, knowing that if you’re responsible for your life and the events that occur, what they do isn’t THAT important to you.  These folks only symbolize things you want and don’t want in you life, and you determine what those things are by your choices.  ‘Cause YOU CONTROL YOU – ONLY!

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE TRUTH RESIDES. 

‘INVALID EMAIL ADDRESS NOTIFICATION’ SOLUTION!

The frustration of filling out applications over the computer, pressing the submit button, only to be stymied by the notification, ‘Invalid Email Address‘.  You enter your email address again just to receive the same notification, knowing your address IS valid.  The problem is such that one gives up on, eventually, submitting the application.

After going through this experience on numerous occasions, finally discovering the solution, I wondered how many others suffered the same problem without finding a solution.  In speaking with a close female friend, someone I’ve known for almost 3 decades, learning she had difficulty with this same problem, the solution gave her major pleasure.

My trouble stemmed from pressing the space bar on my keyboard after entering my email address.  So to give an example (not real): Let’s say my email is sonnykirk@rcn.com, I was using my space bar one space after entering my email address, which rendered the ‘Invalid Email Address’ notification.  That one space (although you don’t see anything) is picked up as part of your email address. 

So the important thing is NOT TO HIT YOUR SPACE BAR AFTER ENTERING YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS.  This will make your application submissions successful. 

In the computer world little things mean a lot.  Hope this helps those who’ve had this problem and couldn’t figure out the solution.

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE TRUTH RESIDES.

WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN TO QUIT? A LIFE LESSON!

There are key lessons we all must learn to experience a fulfilling and happy life.  Some folks learn quicker than others, but the important thing is that you learn.  Patience, responsibility, consistency, self pity, being judgmental, manners, respect (treating people the way you wish to be treated), emotional utility (not allowing one’s emotions to control YOU), and stick-tuitiveness (not quitting) are predominant challenges.

While growing up, I had a problem with anger, patience, self pity, and emotional utility (using your emotions).  But it wasn’t until just before my junior year in high school that I learned there was a quitter in me.  I was athletic, confident, a winner, while maintaining respect for other people.  But my previous experiences would not have led me to think I was a quitter.

Junior high school in New York City is from the 7th thru 9th grade,  graduating to high school with the first year of high school being your sophomore year instead of freshman.  I applied and was accepted into this academic/technical program that called for taking an additional set of technical electricity classes, along with my academic studies. 

Throughout my childhood, due to the electronic talents of my father and uncle, I learned to put together radios, televisions, stereo systems and electronic circuits from scratch. And loved doing it.  I thought these courses were going to be an extention of that work.  As it turned out, the courses were filled with theoretical elements of electronics with little hands on experience.  After one year of this, I wanted out.  Just wanted to continue the academics only.  The graphic engineering (drafting) was the only thing I was really enjoying out of the courses.

When I mentioned quitting technical electricity to my father, I was shocked to hear him say, NO!  WHEN YOU START SOMETHING YOU FINISH IT!  YOU DON’T QUIT JUST ‘CAUSE IT GETS TOUGH!  I shouldn’t have been shocked because Dad was a Marine and, along with my mother, raised my brother and me like little Marines!  And as much as I disliked him at that moment, because he was forcing me to do something I REALLY didn’t want to do, he said, LOOK!  WHEN YOU MAKE A CHOICE TO DO SOMETHING, YOU’VE GOT TO SEE IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH.  IF YOU DON’T THINK YOU CAN DO THAT, DON’T MAKE THAT CHOICE IN THE FIRST PLACE!  BUT YOU’VE GOT TO FINISH WHAT YOU START!

Becoming a businessman later, that was one of the most important lessons, besides patience, I’ve ever learned.  Hey, I was far from being the greatest student in that set of courses, C+, but the work I had to put in to get the C+ after 3 years was enough to make me a very good (yet, eccentric) student in college, and set me on a path of independent learning.  I never thought about quitting anything again after that experience. 

WHAT DOES QUITTING SAY ABOUT YOU? – The first thing it says about you is you can’t be counted on when things become difficult.  There are inner and outer rewards we get from expanding or extending ourselves.  See, your limit isn’t at the place you want to quit.  There are higher levels you can perform on that are far above where you would be if you allowed yourself to quit.  Your self worth and self esteem reaches significant levels that carry over to other parts of your life that make you aware of your power to create things.  Things that give you pleasure.

Secondly, when you quit, you’re saying, I DON’T BELIEVE I CAN DO THIS!  So you have little belief in yourself, and also exhibit fear because you’re afraid to see how well you would do if you stick with it.  Thus, a lack of belief in self and a sizeable amount of fear are your challenges.  These type of people can often be seen attempting to sabotage others who are in pursuit of their hopes and dreams, just to have company in their self imposed failures!

A great example many are familiar with is Jennifer Hudson, who could have quit on herself and her dreams when Simon Cowell cancelled her out of American Idol (through his remarks) before she could even get to the semi-finals.  She may have lost that contest, but she went on to win a Grammy Award AND an Oscar Award for Best Supporting Actress!  Take that, Simon Cowell! 🙂  It’s never over until you QUIT!

I would be reluctant to choose a leader with a propensity to quit when things got tough or they became bored… a person who didn’t see things through.  They tend to be folks who are negative, offering very little that’s positive.  But they can bitch like a mutha f**ker!

When I see folks who have had a number of marriages ending in divorce, a red alert goes off within me about the possible fickleness that come with those packages.  The same can be said about a guy who has a bunch of ‘baby mamas’.  This is a guy that doesn’t work through his relationships when things get tough, he runs.  He also lacks the responsibility to insure he doesn’t impregnate a woman.  Unfortunately, some women see him as a prize.

A WINNER NEVER QUITS!  AND A QUITTER NEVER WINS!

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE TRUTH RESIDES.

LOVE PARTNERS ARE A NUMBERS GAME THAT BEST STARTS WITH FRIENDSHIP!

Entering the romantic game of love, being sensitive, easily hurt, and ready to quit at the first sign of rejection doesn’t shout success.  Self pity puts big holes in your armor.  But, if you discover the best you, showing confidence, there are few types of people that are beyond your reach.  The tougher your hide is to rejection (don’t take yourself so seriously), the easier it is to make friends.  And that’s where solid love relationships develop… out of friendship.

For longer than I’d like to admit, sales has been my thing.  If you can sell, consistently, you never have to worry about a job, you can create your own work (all you need is a product), and can live a cut above most folks who earn a salary.  Sales people are like the hunters of ancient times.  They make it possible for others to live and survive, giving them value to a society or business.  They make it possible for the salary earners to have jobs.  Why?  Because sales people bring in the money that allow businesses to survive and thrive.  If you don’t bring in money, your job is a cost to the company.  The best sales people are those who have the qualities mentioned in the last half of the first paragraph.

In love, like sales, see the winner in you!  It’s best to know your product (YOU), approach with confidence and a smile, know your pitch/approach, know your market (where your interests lie), be respectful and always be closing.  People buy from you because they like you and the product your selling.  People like being your friend because of how you make them feel: comfortable, free to be, attractive, of value, having a good time.  The same can be said about love: We love people based on how they make us feel about ourselves.  Unless you’re lacking self worth, feeling that you don’t deserve much better than the disrespect and/or abuse you’re receiving.

Lose all desperation!  People feel that a mile away.  Stay within yourself but with energy and confidence, not hype!  Don’t take yourself so seriously.  If this doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world.  ‘Next!’

Your gifts/passions are an excellent lure for your market of people, making it easier to close the friendship deal.  Use your gifts and passions!  People are attracted to folks with passions and a direction.  When you know you (self knowledge), you know your passions and direction.

WHAT ABOUT SUCCESS? – Success is adding to your flow of life the people and things that enrich living.  In sales, we it call ‘the numbers game’ because you have to go through a certain set of numbers/approaches before you get a sale.  The more fluid you are, the fewer numbers you have to go through.  You will meet a number of people where friendship is just not going to happen.  However, the law of probability says if you’re consistent with your approach, you will eventually land that friendship (sale) that’s right for your life flow.  Sometimes you’ll go through less numbers, other times you’ll go through more.  Keep in mind, success is just the next person away.

When I discovered the best ‘ME’ folks responded to in sales, I started using that personality in my public life with great results.  Wherever I go, I’m bringing a positive experience to those who engage with me.  In that experience, people want to do things for you (not that I’m usually asking).  Especially those you deal with regularly.  Folks tend to respond to your stimulus or energy.  What you give out, they will send it right back to you.  I say this because it’s good practice for those times when you’d
like to make a new friend (potential mate).  You don’t have to come off as someone you’re not, just throwing a line of bull.  And you don’t have to be the dreamiest guy/gal for this to work for you, either.

Just be you, with confidence!  Hey, IT’S A NUMBERS GAME!

QUESTION EVERYTHING!  THAT’S WHERE TRUTH RESIDES.